Monday, January 31, 2005

How to turn water into wine

How to turn water into wine as a wedding party trick for fun and profit.

Fill an amphora ¾ to the top with wine. Then pour molten wax into the amphora to form a skin seal on top of the wine. Fill the rest of the amphora with water. At the wedding do not let on that you are a paid entertainer. Pretend to be one of the guests. Just as the party gets going have one of the servants announce “We have run out of wine!” Then have someone announce that you can magically fix the problem. That someone could even be your Mother, but that would be so very uncool. Act modest make the crowd coax you. Pretend that maybe you can’t do it. Finally you give in and announce that you will try to turn water into wine. First you order the servants to pour some liquid from the amphora into a cup (use clear glass if you can get it) Show every one that it is clear water. Get a trusted member of the wedding party to taste the water (a grandmother or a child). Get them to testify that it is water. Now you are ready. First produce a magic wand from under your cloak. Then wave the wand and say the magic incantations ending with the blessing for wine. After you say (please excuse my attempt at transliteration)“boray prea hagouphen” and the wedding party answers “Aaa-maaain” thrust the wand into the top of the amphora breaking the wax seal and stirring the water and wine together. Now you can say that “The Lord God has changed our water into wine, Let’s Party!”


At 10:14 PM, Blogger Jim said...

I need your help Harry...I tried this at a party last night and all was well! I was cool and magical and on the verge of messiahship. Things first started to go awry when I put my magic wand into the amphora. It was a tight fit, but it eventually went in, but then every body sensed my hesitation as I met the wax barrier. It was only momentary, but the look on my face was going to give it away I thought. And at the time all I could think of was hymens and amens. Well, I was able to pull it off and poured a big glass for the thirstiest of attendies. He was excited and chugged down a big gulp, but a chunk of the wax ( I may have used too much..also accounting for the difficulty breaking of the seal) got caught in his windpipe and I had to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on him. The chunk of wax came out fine and landed accross the room, but so did a whole lot of wine! So, my question is how do I turn this red wine back into water so my white carpet isn't totally ruined? I was going to go to BR Review (they had answers on the bone box didn't they?)but then you tell me they are now defunct. So I turn to you for answers. Can you help? (tunnel vision) Jim

At 10:28 PM, Blogger Harry Spitz said...

Soft warm wax! No ice in the wine!
The last feller who made a big success of himself with this trick always worked in a hot place and never broke pieces off the wax. Ya gotta use finesse man!
As for getting the wine out of the rug. Try baking powder.

At 12:04 AM, Blogger Jim said...

Finesse....everybody tells me that works miracles, so messiahship is still attainable perhaps. Baking soda?...hmmmm, first I tried this stuff that I bought from a guy who stopped in one day. His demonstration convinced me that his "miracle" (recurring theme here) cleaner would remove anything, he removed a stain that had been untouchable for the past 10 years in just a couple of squirts. And only $49.95 for a 16 oz. concentrate. It made the stain two shades darker! So now I am off to try the baking soda. Jim

At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Sol Fasolati said...

I double-dated with Jesus
And we both had one hell of a time
Oh it was really neat, when we sat down to eat
Coz Jesus turned the water into wine

He walked across the punchbowl
And resurrected Elvis
There was magic in the air
And Yoko brought her Walrus

I double-dated with Jesus
And we both had one hell of a time
Oh it was really neat, when we sat down to eat
Coz Jesus turned the water into wine

--- Repeat as necessary


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